Spring Awakening
Written by Katherine Waddell, LMFT
Happy Spring!
When Springtime finally comes to where I live in Western Massachusetts, it always fills me with new energy and excitement about possibilities. The summer seems to stretch ahead and I get excited about all fun things coming up. AND…. there’s a flipside, which is that there is also always so much more to do and to plan for!
In the world of relationships, taking time out to appreciate each other, plan simple things like the week ahead, strategize more complex things like vacation plans, and make time to check in about important matters, is one of the most important practices you can ever learn to do. It’s amazing that some of us don’t do this on a regular basis!
The idea of having a marriage meeting or a team meeting with your partner, can be a critical part of your relationship success. I know it’s part of mine. Here’s the scoop on marriage meetings, and how to make this work for you.
Have a Marriage/Relationship Meeting every Sunday
Do this without fail. Let the kids know that for a half-hour or 40 minutes you are doing adult time in another room. Use the Marriage Meeting Format to Plan for the week ahead. Move through the agenda quickly and efficiently.
Appreciations: one to two things you tell your partner that they have done that made you feel positive, that made your life go easier or better, or helped you cope.
Feelings check-in: just a short general check-in about what feelings you are having today, and maybe a high and a low in the last week.
Immediate problem solving: stuff you need to figure out right away. Dividing up tasks, figuring out who's on duty with kids when, who's cooking when, grocery shop list, etc.
Chores to divide and tackle: longer-term/ongoing stuff that needs doing. Make a quick list and decide who is doing what.
Money: Discuss the current situation and current concerns. If this is a huge stressor now you might pick another evening during the week to set aside time for just this issue.
Plans for fun/enjoyment in the coming week: Don't skip this one! Especially important to schedule fun time now. Each person can pick one thing that they think would be fun and make a plan with a partner on when to do it.
Work on ongoing issues, if you have time: Keep a list of ongoing concerns such as parenting differences, desire discrepancy about sex, different ways of handling money, etc. When you have time, make some headway by using the Initiator Inquirer process of one person talking and one person just listening and recapping, with no pressure to problem solve but focus on listening and understanding partner.
You can learn more about this and other innovative processes with our esteemed group of clinicians and coaches.
