Why I Married My Work Wife
Written by Dr. Donna Gilman
These are photos of my “work wife,” Katherine. Some of you may recognize her as Katherine Waddell, the other director of CCPV. Or you may recognize her from her (until very recently) other gig, as a founding member of the folk group The Box Car Lilies.
As if the challenges of romantic partnership weren’t enough, in 2013 I found myself saying “I do” to Katherine, in the cementing of our work relationship and the formation of CCPV.
Isn’t it just amazing what life sends our way? Can you imagine if we had crystal balls before we committed and we could only sign on the dotted line after seeing what’s in store? It’s truly a miracle that any couple stays together. As I often tell couples, it’s the couples who go to hell and back that ultimately make for the most masterful of partnerships.
Even though I’ve been a couples therapist for over 25 years, when I became friendly with Katherine, the concept of differentiation was one that I didn’t fully get in my bones, personally or professionally until Katherine introduced me to the Developmental Model in 2011. Perhaps this is when we began courting?
My work wife and I are quite different. Katherine has a way of cutting to the chase. She is direct, focused and has a laser sharp clarity that few people possess. Extroverted, used to performing and confident, she is a force to be reckoned with. I’m a big picture thinker and I have little patience for details. I’m diplomatic but also can be stubborn, like a dog with a bone. Together, we make quite the dynamic duo. Our strengths compliment each other and our differences provide unique challenges for us to navigate. Behind the scenes, we are constantly visioning our business and amplifying our clinical work. In all of the strategizing on big picture issues and drowning in the minutia of running a small business, there are countless decisions Katherine and I must negotiate.
In order to have productive negotiation, both of us must take risks in sharing the complexity of what we think and feel and want. The opportunities for conflict avoidance and internal collapse are endless. We are truly challenged to practice what we preach, the tenets of differentiation, in our relationship.
Recently I had the privilege of interviewing Katherine for the Over it! Podcast on the ways that differentiation has shaped and challenged our personal and professional relationship. In this episode, we talk about how we strive to walk the walk. We hope you will take a listen and if you enjoy it, follow and share the podcast with anyone who might benefit.
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